Monday, 11 March 2013

Ups and Downs


I've only three weeks left, it seems to be going quicker and I always thought the worst was over me. But yesterday for the first time I hit a nasty brick wall. I've been so fine with being around cooking, people eating, talking about it. If anything I have enjoyed it strangely. Yesterday a few friends popped round to see us, and everyone happened to decide last minute to make a roast dinner. As I said I've always been fine with them eating, I have even cooked and baked. And they have been so patient with me on this diet. But for some reason yesterday I really, really struggled. For the first time in 9 weeks I got upset on the diet. It is an emotional and mentally challenging diet, but I've never felt the need to cry on it. However when they were eating yesterday, it was cold outside (Winter is hanging around like a bad smell) and Roasts are something I knew would fill me up and make me warm and toasty. It wasn't only that, I think it was because I was in my room having shake, and the room they ate it was next door to me. I'm ashamed to say it but I got in a foul mood. I was angry at the shakes and hated them! I resented my friends at the time for being able to eat it and for hearing them enjoy themselves. I resented people who are naturally thin that are blessed with high metabolism. I hated that I always have to leave myself out. Always having to meet people after they eat. Stand in a bar with a glass of water etc. I wanted to pour the shake out the window, if it was a person, I simply would've punched them. I've never been like that on these; (or violent for that matter) I’ve always somehow managed to stay positive. But I just had to give in and let myself be upset. I kept my door closed and stayed in my room for the night because I was so ashamed for being upset over food. And I didn’t want them to feel guilty for going on as normal. They have been really kind with me on this diet and I don’t expect them to put their life on hold. I got in touch with my brother and he massively cheered me up by saying it was a coincidence I contacted him as all day he had been putting off his run, but thinking to himself that I was having milkshakes only motivated him to get up and go out. He also explained why it was understandable to not feel like this until this stage. At the start its a novelty, it's all new, it's a challenge. But 9 weeks in, it gets to the point of "Its not over yet?!" It felt so nice to hear that I wasn't being a Britney Spears/Lindsey Lohan. I'm not saying all this for sympathy X Factor vote. If I wanted that I would tell you about my granny, who is an angel! I know some people started the shakes from seeing how AMAZING Dearsy looks from the first blog, and as she prepared me so well, I would like to be frankly honest. The diet is definitely worth it, but it has its ups and downs. More up's than down's though!!

The rest of my week wasn't as dramatic! The edit took longer than I thought. I had a night where it was a late one and having to get up early to finish it, where a pack of Minstrels would have come in handy! At Uni when we had deadlines we lived near a 24/hr shop, we would take it in turns to do a snack run, get nice big cups of tea and let the sugar keep you going, and the comfort of the chocolate sooth your worries. On this there is no soother. A peppermint tea is nice, but it isn't the same. However it got to the weekend and I went to my friend’s birthday. A few people were really encouraging saying how much it has paid off which makes it all worth it. Not only that, but I was able to get up the next day after having had a good night, with no hangover, and go get my hair cut. My friend found a really nice hairdresser that isn't too expensive so I went there and treated myself. Not buying alcohol or going out for dinner means you can afford these treats now. They gave me the Mothers Day package, maybe because I have respect for momma's? I don't know :) But they gave me this set of really nice shampoos and masks that repair your hair. My hair grows out the ways more than down the ways so it was really nice to get stuff to keep it in good shape. I really needed my hair thinned badly so I left feeling a lot lighter when it was done and felt really cheery and pampered. I sat in that night and had an early night to sleep off the weeks stress. The next day was my Britney Spears emotional moment but we're moving swiftly on folks.

I got weighed today and I have lost another 2 1/2 pounds. That is now 35 1/2 in total. Which is just over 2 1/2 stone. I have three weeks left on the shakes but next week I start the maintenance diet. Which are two shakes and one small chicken and salad. That salad is going to taste nicer than anything I have ever tasted. I aim to lose another half stone on the last three weeks. Getting weighed today and finding out my result is sooooo worth all the Yorkshire puddings in Leeds. Roast who?! The ups are so worth the downs!

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