80/20

Y'know how on my last post I was busy saying I aim to lose 3 pounds a week for the next five weeks? And then I'd reach my target of over 3 stone on the shakes, and continue to lose another stone after. Well I was on a really great mind-set all week about this and thinking really positive. I used to think three pounds was so little considering the much you are detoxing, but with any diet you lose more at the start then maybe a pound every week or so. As long as your losing it's all good so I stayed positive and went to this week’s weigh in and lost *drum roll please* 4 1/2 POUNDS! So so pleased. Even my pharmacist was delighted. Before I got weighed she gave me my first ever compliment. I have always said how she is one of those firm but fair ladies, tough love and all that jazz. Well I took off my coat to get weighed and she said "Well you are just looking better and better!" I nearly cried. I felt like I was in a Disney film where there's this tough coach and you feel sad then at the end you realise she's really lovely and wanted the best for you, like Nanny Mc Phee! Nanny Mc Pharmacist. It hasn't been that dramatic, I just would've thought we would be BFF by now. I think we're getting closer. After she gave me my results and shakes she was warning me how I'll need to keep up with it after the shakes, to not just go back to normal food and expect to stay the same. Now she was doing so well. . . . . . . . 

I'm only joking; I know where she is coming from. But as I said to her I wouldn't work so hard on something to just spoil it for myself. It's no leisurely stroll in the park the shakes business and it's too expensive to do this for 12 weeks and for me then to just go back to my ex Mc Donalds. I've been talking about this with one of the ladies at work. She has actually been to seen a Nutritionist in the past and paid big dollar for a consultation and was kind enough to send me some of the tips. One of the tips she mentioned, which I never applied with diets was “Don’t treat this like a diet. If you eat something unhealthy you haven’t failed or been ‘bad’. Just try and think of eating a 80/20 balance in your diet. If you eat well most of the time, an occasional indulgence is ok.” This is a good idea for me as when you make something forbidden, you only want it more don’t you? And to say you are on a diet all the time is exhausting and boring. But if I apply my new healthy mind-set to the meals I eat during the week, well the weekend could be my 20 if I’m going to a birthday meal or fancy a glass of thee good auld vino. . And I won’t have to feel bad or guilty, because it’s balanced. She mentioned ““Stop when you are satisfied. By eating slowly and off a plate, you should get better signals of when you are full. You might also find that by taking your time you do not need to eat as much to feel satisfied by a meal or snack.” AKA Rachel, don’t be a horse! I’ve done it in the past, wolfed something down before you could say “Milkshake”. Maybe taking time to enjoy a meal will be helpful, and not chewing for 12 weeks maybe I will have no option! She gave me a lot of advice what food to be eating, how every meal should include a high proportion of vegetables/salads/soups, a small piece of protein and a small portion of carbohydrate food. But she mentioned to think differently of what carbs I’m eating. I used to eat a lot of white pasta, white rice, and me being Irish I fitted the stereotype of spuds spuds spuds. If I didn’t have some form of potatoes in a few days I would crave it. We did go through a famine, give us a break. As I said I’ve been stocking up on some groceries every week and this week I did buy brown pasta and brown rice. I think I’m going to be one of those annoying people who check the back of things of everything they buy. The other tips revolved around hydration and exercise. This diet has taught me the importance of water and these days you don’t see me without my water bottle so that one is covered. I’ve been scouting out the local swimming pools here and trying to get a good membership deal. I love swimming as it uses every muscle but it’s such a good head clearer.

This week is another birthday! Was everyone born in Feb? It’s one of my really close friends who love a choc treat so I decided to make some brownies. I got the measuring really mixed up, it has been a while. So god knows what they tasted like. Again I had to rely on my trusty flatmates, who have started calling me a “feeder”. Getting sick pleasure out of fattening other people up, hmm :) The good thing about brownies is the smell fills the house so I loved it! I don’t know the science in this enjoying the smell business, but it works! The brownies presentation didn’t turn out great; I put white choc buttons in for flavour. And it just made them look burnt. Oh well, everyone likes a trier! These can be in her 20% of her balanced week. It’s a birthday; you’re allowed to be naughty on your birthday!

1/2 way there!!!

I'm half way through the diet! For some reason every time I say this the song "Living on a Prayer" comes into my head. Well yes Bon Jovi I am half way there, and maybe it is someones prayer getting me through. I don't know what it is but I never ever thought I would go 6 hours without biting into something, let alone 6 weeks. I remember one ooccasion when I was on Weight Watchers my old flatmate Greg had a Terry's chocolate orange and I was so angry with him that he wouldn't share it with me. Upon reflection I can see he was trying to help. But at the time I thought he and anyone sacrificing me of my main man Terry were evil! A few people have asked me how I'm doing it. They've said they had always tried to behave themselves and then spoilt it by giving in to something. And as I said, give me a terry's chocolate orange and I wouldn't have cared that I'd been good all week. I think thats the idea of this diet though. It's a complete detox, you know how you sometimes say "it's all or nothing", I think that's what I'm doing. I've had to sacrifice absolute everything in order to retrain myself into eating healthy. I'm not saying that everyone needs to do this, but for me personally I think I have had to do this in order to have a fresh start. Having three milkshakes a day, no snacks, nothing in-between and knowing there is no way around it will change my way of eating when I start afresh. Having got used to a strict way of having something three times a day, will mean I will be used to going for three meals a day and not thinking to snack in between. Before I ate snacks because I was bored, or they were there, not because I was hungry. That is why this is a kickstart to a healthier lifestyle. It has made me completely rethink about what I was eating before, and how much it affected me. Now I have so much more energy and my skin feels so much better. I'll not want to go ruin it for myself. I'm not saying I'm not going to have treat days, because you deserve them every once and a while. But i'll have to slog my behind to the swimming pool or the gym to work it off if I do. And it will have to be worth it.

This week I lost another 3lbs. I now have 26lb off me and i'm 2lb away from 2 stone. If I lose 3 every week for  the next 6 weeks I will have lost over three stone on the milkshakes alone. I have hoped to lose 4 stone on my diet, but not on the shakes alone. I aimed to lose 3 on the shakes, and then another 1 stone when eating healthy and exercising. Sorry if this sounds confusing. Y'know sometimes you're thinking out loud and it makes sense to you? Anyway, I'm 6 weeks in and 26 pounds off me all in that time!! Who would have thought? The juice has definately been worth the squeeze. I've read a few places that ice cold water helps with burning calories so it's ice ice baby all up in my freezer. Another thing I realised that when I have finished this is I'm going to have to start buying food/condiments etc all at once which might be expensive. So i've started every week buying little things like spices/granola so much at a time, so that I won't have to go all out. Although this time I've been looking at the back of things and checking for the healthier options. It's actually nice to be in Sainsbury's again and doing normal shopping as there is only so much tea you can try. I am completely over my negative mood from the weekend. The next day I felt a bit silly, and the weigh in definately helped! As I've said, I decided to do this, no one forced me too. I have so much support on this. I think this song is in order. And another positive is, I have less time left than I have to do. The last few laps people. I can do this! Go Elton.

Tonight I cooked again! As I said before when I cooked for Jeff's birthday I had really missed it and it was a good excuse. My friend Katherine was coming round, she lives in Kingston so we only see each other on nights out and never get chatting properly, so it was good to have her over for a proper catch up. I made a chicken casserole type of thing that you make in the slow cooker. I love the thing, not as much as my mother who has probably painted and giving it a name. It was nice to get chopping and picking something to cook and pretending to be Jamie for a bit. Only thing was I had to get my lovely assistant Jess to taste it for me as I couldn't. Its funny cooking something you can't taste. She seemed to enjoy it so hoping it was ok! I got a little cheeky sponge cake because it was on offer, but that was more so I could get a high off the smell! It smelt devine. And that was enough for me. It was lovely to have Katherine over, she is working in a similar field to me so it was really nice to get some good advice from her, she gave me great tips and was really kind with them. It was worth slaving over a hot stove for! Well actually I didn't. As I put it all in a slow cooker and let it do its thang. They really are great! It's amazing how tender the chicken comes out. Oh god, I'm my mum! 

Moving on. Kat felt really bad that I was cooking for her and having my chicken shake. She kept asking how I could do that, and my housemates found it strange too. I guess if I was in their position I would too, but thinking about it I think I'm just in the right mindset. It was so worth mentally preparing for it as I just don't bat an eyelid anymore. I know that I have shakes, and other people eat. I really recommend anyone trying it to mentally prepare it for it. As I said I never thought I'd be like this, I would've laughed at you while letting terry's choc orange fall out of my mouth. But I'm in a great mind frame where I just know what I want and this is how to get it. Maybe I've listened to too much Beyonce empowering songs and it taught me to be strict. Maybe it was putting the Michelle Obama poster beside my bed to help me think "what would Michelle do?" when being lazy. Maybe it's that every catholic in Derry is saying a prayer for me to get through it. Whatever it is it's keeping me going. Jon Bon Jovi said it, i'm half way there. Let's get this next stone off you sassy shakes!

"Life goes on"

Have any of you lot seen the film "Perfect Sense"? It's a really lovely film made by a Scottish film director David MacKenzie. Ewan MacGregor and Eva Green (girl crush!) are in it and it's one of my fave's. Based in Scotland, it's about an epidemic breaking out in the world where people start to lose their sense's one by one. So everyone loses their smell first, then taste etc, apparently it's to represent when people fall in love they lose their senses. We've just got over Valentine's so let's not get into all the mushy stuff just yet. More to the point, Ewan's character plays a chef in a fancy restaurant. And there is a massive panic when people start to lose their taste, that no-one is going to come there and they'll lose money etc. The boss keeps repeating a phrase through-out the film "Life goes on". It reaches a nice point where they realise that people coming to restaurants is not only to taste beautiful food, but it's to be waited on, to not have to do anything, to get everything handed to them at their leisure. So they come up with a way of keeping this, by serving food with different textures, such as Al dente pasta so they get the crunch. The customers still come even though they can't taste or smell it, but to be social, to go on dates, to meet up with friends and laugh, the taste and smell seems unimportant. And finally THAT is my point. (dragged that out didn't I? sorry. And thats not just what the whole film is about) Although I can't go eat and drink at social occasions, I can still come and enjoy myself. Going out for a coffee doesn't have to be about a moco-chocco-fatty-latte with a tripple choc cake that they bought in Sainsbury's for £2.50 and selling you a slice for £2.00. No, I can still meet someone in a nice coffee shop and still have the same treat feeling. I make an effort, get dressed up and go into town to meet a friend, have a black coffee and still have the nice feeling of catching up with a friend over a coffee. Last week I met up with my friend Tamara, we went to Trafalgar Sq to a Pret and had a really nice catch up over a black coffee. It was really nice to be in the middle of the hustle and bustle and just be able to relax in a coffee shop and have a good old chin-wag. Some people may know that i'm not great at shopping with people, I don't like dilly-dallying around shops waiting on people, I like going myself and getting what i need. However edging closer to d-day I suggested we go to Oxford St and window shop to get some ideas of clothes I can get when this is finished. It was really nice to see all the new Spring clothes in and think of things and shops I couldn't consider before. It even made me not hate all the people selling hot waffles with strawberries and Ice-cream outside the shops. I had a little "joke is on youuuu!" thought to people eating them. Whatever gets me through, eh? Although one thing which was hard, my fave fave FAVE sandwich shop 'Eat' that does the best soup ever have a shop INSIDE topshop, what? How insensitive!  They do the best soup it is no word of a lie, at christmas they have one with turkey, ham, veg and stuffing balls, IN A SOUP?!?! It's a taste sensation. I smelt it before I saw it. Rachel you do not need it. you do not need it. you do not need it...."Life goes on"

As much as I'm enjoying this new journey, new me, new lifestyle and all that jazz. And I do feel so positive about it, and I know it's going to having amazing outcomes, yes yes yes.... I think it's only fair to be as honest as I can be. Dearsy held nothing back so that I knew completely what I was in for. Which is the reason I'm so prepared. I do try to stay positive and feel I mostly am. But folks, sometimes you just want to get up on a Saturday morning and have eggs and toast. Y'know sometimes this business can be a right old inconvenience. And inconvenience's are just a pain in my little bit slimmer arse. A day this week I went to work and brought my hand blender and mixing bowl as usual, and what did I do? Only went and forgot the milkshake. The ladies in work felt as sad as if one of their children forgot their lunch box. Now I know why my mum drives the whole way to my brothers school when he forgets lunch money. I fuelled up on coffee for the day so it wasn't so bad, but I had planned to go straight from work to Oxford St to get our flatmates birthday pressie, I had brought everything to work for after. It meant I had to go home first, have my shake then leave. The gals at work can't see why I don't just mix it in the morning and bring it. But because of the vitamins in it you have to drink it within 15mins or bacteria grows. (that's how it was explained to me). It's days like this that just make me resent it. I can't just pop to the local Tesco and get a sandwich and be annoyed at myself that it defies the point of me making a packed lunch if I'm going to go buy something. There's been a few times when I've had to leave early from meeting someone because I haven't had a shake in ages and need to get home to make it. This week was my flatmate Jess' birthday. I LOVE flatmates birthdays. My old housemate George used to tease me that I would be shaking with excitement on his birthday, even when he didn't care about his own. I love the whole excitement of it, on your own day you don't want to get self-indulgent, but on theirs you can use it as an excuse to not do anything and celebrate, and eat their cake! (If it doesn't sit on your hips stubbornly for a lifetime after, like some of us) We started a little tradition in my flat of making whoever's birthday it is breakfast in bed on their day. Well it started with Laura's as she was working on her birthday and felt sad about it so we thought we would surprise her. She was so overwhelmed that her immediate reaction was "Oh my god, I feel like Shania Twain!" (we were confused too, of all the celebs!). It carried on with them making me breakfast on mine, so it's a nice little tradition. Laura has gone off bread for lent, and I've gone off everything. So I handled the toast, coffee and juice, Laura handled the fry. We were two strong sista's telling ourselves it was all going on Jess' hips. Later in the afternoon we went for coffee and cake with a few friends, it was a lovely quaint coffee shop, with a beautiful chef that completely put the milk and sugar in my tea. Hot dangggg gurlfriends. Until he started dancing to a Katy Perry song. Now you know and I know that i'm a pop princess. But we don't need a pop prince. We got home and realised we had barely any time to get ready before we were going for Jess dinner and drinks night. I had to have two milkshakes in the space of half an hour and it actually felt like I was having two meals together. I didn't want to miss out on her sit down dinner as it was casual and our friends would be there. But it was a time like that where I was feeling sick from the two shakes that I thought if only I wasn't on these things! Loads of our friends turned up later for the drinks park, it was so lovely to see people, I worked it with my water and had a lovely night but it did leave me feeling sick all night. I really just wanted to have a glass of wine and loosen up like the rest of them, but had to stay positive and not curse the shakes. I managed to stay out til 1am so I felt happy I did it for Jess. I got through the fry, coffee and cake, birthday cake and a birthday meal. Going home early with a funny tummy was an inconvenience but feeling proud of yourself sure does walk over it.

Your allowed a moan sometimes aint ya? it's only normal. We're ladies and sometimes you just feel emotional and have a little moody mc mood mood, but you gotta take the good with the bad and get on with it. I woke feeling a lot better today. I was able to get new boots with the money I'm saving on not buying food/alcohol and felt so much better going out wearing something new. Some people I haven't seen in a while have told me they could tell I lost weight and it is such a good feeling! I met up with two friends from my Uni course this week, and them being boys I think didn't want to comment on weight. But we usually get drinks and a food platter when we meet up, so when  I told them I was going for just a black tea, I had to explain Lipotrim to them. They said they had noticed but we're too afraid to say incase it offended me. Offend me? Hearing someone say they think you lost weight is the best feeling ever when you're working so hard for it. I know this isn't for everyone, as some people may get uncomfortable by it. But hearing it just makes me feel that something I'm putting so much energy and effort to is paying off. It's Beyonce music to my ears. It's worth all the black tea in China! Putting my negative mood from the weekend behind me, tomorrow is my next weigh in and my half way through mark. "Life goes on"..

Meeting my figure idol

Today I had my weigh in and I have lost another 3 pounds. I now have 23 off me and 5 pounds away from 2 stone. Proof in the pudding that juice is worth the constant squeezing. This week has flown by since I've started this admin job, which I was hoping for. It means the next 7 will hopefully follow suit. I walk home from work everyday which I think is helping the diet. I knew myself this week I hadn't been drinking enough water, with being so busy with things it's hard to keep reminding yourself to have so much. But it left me feeling a bit dehydrated so I really need to be strict on myself, either that or  i'm gonna stick some sequences on a drip, dress it up and wear the thing around with me. It's just not good enough not having enough water, I caught myself on from Friday and I feel better for it. It's really put me off lemonade and other fizzy drinks seeing how good water can leave your body and skin feeling. I feel like a walking Olay advertisement when I've had my daily amount, surely thats an incentive! This week I had a really unsettled stomach and it felt quite painful or maybe just uncomfortable. Dearsy (you remember my guru, the fabulous inspiration) had told me about this so I wasn't over thinking it when I experienced it. I talked to the pharmacist, (whose name I finally found out, Gita) and she recommended me buying a fibre solution which you put in some of your drinks which help. All this nutrients/fibre/proteins intakes/outtakes/what you need/what you don't etc is a foreign language to me, but my Gita babes is my translator and I'm so glad I have her. She dumbs it all down for me and while I'm thinking Beyonce town she's steering me towards healthy body town. Which is a steer in the right direction in maintaining a healthier lifestyle. I hope I don't get too emotionally attached to her! Rolling up when the diet is finished just to see how she is etc.

The admin job is flying in because i'm really enjoying it. I bring my shakes and blender everyday and none of the staff blink an eyelid. I'm learning so much which is all you want from voluntary work. The supervisors are really conscious of me getting the best from the experience so they'll often touch base with me to see if there is anything else I would like to learn. They treat me with a lot of respect and I already feel really myself there. One of them contacted her sister who worked in TV to get some advice for me and took my CV and corrected some things that employers look out for. I really feel like doing this runner/voluntarys job the past few months ties really in working with the diet. It all feels like I'm working and grafting towards my career and my health. With the healthier lifestyle and weight will come more confidence, and with the more experience i'm getting it is all going towards a better me. *Que empowering music*

If ever there was a reminding of what I'm doing is gonna be worth it. It was yesterday. My GBF (gay best friend, he's fierce and fabulous) got us tickets to sit in the audience of "The Voice". As if breathing the same air as Sir Tom Jones wasn't enough, who presented the show? Only my figure idol Holly Freaking Willoughby! She is everything I want in a figure. She is curvilious, slim stomach and still managed to keep her Mary-Kate and Ashleys (her chest). She is a wholeeee lotta woman! As I stress all the time, I am not aiming to be skinny, I LOVE curves! I was born with them, I embrace them. You work with what you got and she was w.o.r.k-ing it! It was a beautiful reminder of the benefits of working hard to get the figure you want. She was captain sass and wore the perfect dress to show it off. It's all about dressing to what suits you, i'll need help with this when I've reached my goal. I'm sure some of my sista's will help me out with this! I long for the day when I'm standing in Topshop crying in the changing room because a dress fits, where some of my gal's will be outside slow clapping. Dream big people, dream big!

This week the frickin' snow is back. I think Mr Weatherman read my last blog bragging about Spring being around the corner and snowed all over my picnic. I just can't seem to heat up. I'm never usually such a crier about heating, but I just feel cold all the time. I thought this might be because I'm having no hot food. My mum was saying it is probably with losing the weight I have. It's a small price to pay. But if I'm losing 23 pounds, I suppose I'll just stick to the hot water bottle!

What's cooking?

I had my weigh in yesterday and had been nervous since last week when I had lost 2 pounds. I thought it was going to be 2 pounds every week for the next 8 weeks. That still would've been great, but having gone from 4 1/2 to 2 it felt like a little slump. I started my admin voluntary work on Monday so couldn't get down until later, all day I was wishing the hours away to find out my fate. I lost 4 1/2 pounds again! *Dirty Dancing soundtrack voice* "Well I'm back, to show you, how I can really shake em downnnn! Do youuuu loveeee meeeee!" etc. I was so happy! I wanted to hug my pharmacist, but we're not at that stage yet, we haven't even high 5'd yet, we'll get there. She did give me a big smile though. Crawl before walking n all that jazz. I have been caning the water like it was going out of fashion, and walking a lot of places instead of the bus. I think it could have been all the dancing on Friday night also, I was sweating like a p.i.g after busting a few moves. Maybe this is the Gods of dance telling me I should dance more. Well ok then if you insist!

I had really missed cooking over the last few weeks. As I said before when working from home my trip to Sainsbury's and making dinner would always break up the day. The past 4 1/2 weeks getting 300ml water and blending it with the milkshake does not break up the day. I've been really looking forward to cooking again when this finished and got a little jealous when the others would. Then it dawned on me, chefs make a lot of food, but they don't necessarily have to eat it! I thought about cooking for others for the past 2 weeks. I didn't know if it was a silly idea, just teasing myself, asking myself for a breakdown. But I had thought since I've been around food so much and not minded, and been in such a good mind frame, I would work myself up to cooking. It was my friends birthday on Sunday, he was going out for a club night for it on the Saturday. I know Friday was a success, but a club is different. I bowed out and admitted to myself I just could not handle it. It would be a really late one, the place would be crammed, everyone would be super drunk and I was already hanging from my phantom hangover. I told him in advance I would come over for the pre-drinks and to make up for not making the night out, I'd make him and my two flatmates dinner on the Monday. As you know I've been obsessed with food pages for a while now so I tried to get some ideas. The problem is, with food such as lasagne, curry etc you have to taste it whilst cooking to check how it is. This limited me to making something I didn't have to try. I strolled BBC Good Food (it should be my homepage by now) and found this handy number. Boys love burgers so it would be handy, and it would be baby steps into using the kitchen again. (Click here)
My presentation wasn't as good as the website. I forgot myself and made enough for four, so just piled it on their plate.

I threw in some sweet potato wedges as I love the smell of them. My friend thought it would be torturous for me to cook and have my chicken soup with them, but as I say I've got to used to the shakes it felt fine. And as my mum always says after she's cooked "by the time you've made it, you're just sick looking at it" I get it! It felt terribly cheeky piling calories on their plate knowing I'm being super healthy. Actually, no it didn't, it felt good.

I think what helped was having found out the weigh in that day and being on a high. I was in a great mood and while making food I just kept thinking "I've lost 20 pounds, I've lost 20 pounds." I'm not gonna cook all the time, but it's Jess' birthday in a few weeks, so I'll gear myself up for that.

As I said I've started a voluntary admin job for 8 weeks. Every interview I've gone for they've wanted admin experience, something I haven't done in the past. I guess for production it comes in handy to log details and booking things. It's in a college so it's funny to be back in a school environment, a student called me "Miss" which was funny. The days fly in which is great as it'll make the milkshakes week fly in. The first day I didn't bring a shake as I thought it would be weird. But I was too hungry so the next day I brought a "packed lunch" with my hand blender, a mixing bowl, my pint glass and a shake mixture. The supervisor had asked me did I bring machinery for work but I explained the day before about the diet. I'm working with three ladies, they are a lot older than me and I get the feeling they think I'm doing a silly celeb diet but I think I could've thought that before I did it. At lunch I went to the staff room and got out the blender, there was one other staff member and she just said "Oh is that one of those meal replacement things" so at least she knew about them and I didn't have to explain again. If it means I'm getting my lunch I don't really mind how silly I look!

When I went to Sainsburys to get ingredients for the dinner I couldn't help see a "only £1" sticker. I'm like my mum, can spot a bargain a mile off! Sale stickers flash before my eyes and I can spot them every time. Often I'll get something just because it's 2-4-1 even if I don't need it yet, but then when I do I have two of them and have only spent the price of one, and be that little bit smug. Maybe thats how I got into this situation, when a chocolate bar was 2-4-1, or when my fave treats were half price. I used to try and take my friends down with me. I'd buy them as a house treat "oh but they we're on offer!" Hmm, that's in the past now. But anyway, what did flash before my eyes we're daffodils for only £1. I usually would walk past daffodils, but call this cheesy, and i'm not trying to get deep on y'all, but when I did see this I was so happy as it meant Spring was that little bit closer! And with Spring, is the end of shakes, the graduation dress, the new me! I bought the Daffodils and gonna keep buying them until Spring is here, sure they're only £1, it would be rude not to! They brighten up the place, and it gives me my bargain fix!

Food glorious food

Here I am being good on the milkshakes, getting on with life, minding my own business. Then I get emails like this! Is this some kind of sick joke?!?! Sometimes when you break up with someone, you have to delete all the contacts connected to them. Or the sweet nostalgia hits you up the face like the smell of a bakery when you're on a diet.

Don't worry. I'm cool. I got this. I'll be honest though, i've got to a strange strange point of the diet. I have to admit it, although it's shameful and makes me feel dirty. I'm terrified someone will find me and out me, so i'm gonna out myself. I, Rachel, am addicted to "food porn". The term food porn is nothing to do with the normal porn you see after 11pm, you dirty so and so's. It's pictures of glamorous food, beautifully staged, well lit, there to tease you! If you came on my computer any given day, you will find this tab, and this tab always open. I know what you're thinking and people have asked it. Am I not only giving myself a hard time by looking at these? Strangely, no. It's the whole "look but you can't touch" saying I've been talking about. I get some enjoyment out of looking at these beautiful images and it gives me a cheap happiness. I don't know the science behind it, but I'm not having diva tantrums and still enjoying the shakes. So if it gives me that moment of happiness. Let it be! 

I have been getting a similar thing from smell. I purposely sat beside a man who was eating take out on the bus just to smell it. A cheap thrill. Well £1.40 with oyster, but ya get me. Laura has made two cakes this week, not because she is devious, there was just two occasions calling for it. And I sat in my room letting the smell rise up to me and had a cheeky smile on my face enjoying it, a smile only food gives me. There is some power in smell, and it connects me slightly to the old food, but in a non-calerioe way. There was one occasion this week where smell could've took the night off. I had to do some flyering for future cinema, which was outside London Bridge tube station. We had to wear our prisoner outfits to draw attraction, it got so cold and the novelty soon wore off. If that wasn't bad enough, I was stood outside a chicken shop! Fried chicken was calling me, my stomach was talking to me in seven different languages. I ignored it and put my captain sass hat on but it didn't make it any easier. I got myself home, had the chicken shake and felt better for it. Although that night I did have a nightmare that my brother refused to buy me chinese food and I was so angry with him. I've also had dreams where I ate a cream egg and woke up so annoyed. Food you are consuming me. But at least I'm not consuming you. Winning! 

As you know, I've still kept my social skates on and haven't slipped yet. Last Friday I went home early as I lost interest. This week I had a birthday so I wanted to be my best for it. We had some friends over before, they had dinner and wine with the other flatmates and I have to admit I would've loved a glass of vino. Seeing everyone with their wine glasses and enjoying themselves made me want to join in. So I did. I had a wine glass of milkshake. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade flavoured milkshake. 

We got to the pub/club and it was really good to see everyone in the one place. It was a small place but had a dance floor in the back which played jazz/salsa/every kind of music that makes you move your hips. At first I chilled sitting down to chat to people. Every-time someone went to the bar I asked could they get me a water. I'm a cheap date. For some reason an hour in I felt a bit down from it. I got really jealous of everyone letting go for the weekend. Thats the thing with this diet. There's no release for the weekend. Y'know the friday feeling and you have a drink and your shoulders relax and you think "Weekend". There isn't that. If you don't, make it for yourself. I txt my brother and said I was being silly and feeling low and he sent me back a really uplifting txt, reminding me how good I'm doing, how positive it is, all I needed to hear. I quickly got over myself and just thought who needs alcohol! I went to the dance floor and approached it the same way you approach a cold swimming pool. You put your toe in first and see how it feels, well it tapped, so I dived in. I danced for the rest of the night. I shook what my momma gave me, got low low low low. And loved it. I, sober Rachel, didn't roll home until 4am. What am I like! Everyone was so positive that night about the diet/blog and saying I looked healthier and thinner already. It gave me such an up. I even woke with a phantom hangover. Maybe it was all the dancing but I woke feeling groggy and headachy. But this hangover was cured with one glass of water, not a dominoes. And I feel all the better for it. Weigh in is around the corner, hoping it pays off again!