1/4 way through.

I'm a 1/4 of the way through! I'm a 1/2 of a 1/2 way through. I am one week away from being a 1/3 of the way through. Maths was never a strong point so lets leave it at that and not include a scientific calculator. My point being, I'm closer to the final! And I've got the ticks to prove it.

When you see it like that it puts it into perspective how much I've done. My flatmate Laura bought me some fancy coffee as a treat for being a 1/4 way through. It's the little things :)

On my last post I was sounding a bit negative. As I said on the Friday I was feeling a little bit down, and was allowing myself to be in a bad mood. I slept it off and woke up feeling a little guilty for being so grouchy and told myself it's a new day and a day closer to the finish. I went down to make my first shake and look what came in the post. One of my best friends Tara has been in Austrailia for over a year, I miss her and my other friends who have been away so much but little things like this make it alright! It's just what I needed, the little verse was perfect, and as I've said before it's support that picks me up. My friends and family who are globetrotters have all been in touch to say their following my blog and supporting me all the way. I'm really glad i've done the blog now, feels like i've got everyone rooting for me because their following it, which is all the more incentive to drive my body to Beyonce town.

This week I tried living up my shakes by trying the moose. My friend was round and he kindly took on chef role and made it, it's less water so your getting less calories but more flavour so they advise you to drink more water with it. Having someone make it for me was the same feeling as someone cooking for you. Your not having to do the same routine and as my mum says every time we go to a restaurant "It's just great getting it handed to you". Admittedly, blending up water and mix is a lot less hassle than cooking a beautiful dinner for 6 people, but you get my drift, it's nice. The moose wasn't exactly "angel delight" This being because it was lipotrim, not dissing the chef! I think i'm going to stick to the shakes.

I had my weigh in today and I've lost another two pounds. My pharmacist seemed a little disappointed and kept asking me was I sure I had anything to eat. This initially felt like a kick in the teeth, having not ate anything at all, not even a bite and for her to say it. I quickly rationalised it as her having to be firm. She's not my friend, she's my pharmacist. When I convinced her I hadn't she said she thinks I'm still not drinking enough water, as my body could be clinging onto it as it isn't get much food for fuel. This was a good kick up the bum I needed to be drinking more. It's a little hard to keep up with 4 litres a day, but if it's doctors orders, so be it. She did say now that I have more energy I can start some light exercise. I asked could I go swimming as I really enjoy it and she said it would be fine. Swimming is a great way of clearing your head and using every bit of your body. If I do this leisurely it could take off another pound or so. She did say I will be losing between 2-4 for the next weeks so not to be disappointed if it is 2 as at least it is coming off!

It's easy to get yourself down on it but thats why support is great and to remember how Dearsy done it. An interesting thing happened this weekend that puts things into perspective. My parents had attended a funeral of the mother of their really good friend. Now my dad is a man with little patience, so at the end of the mass at the cemetery he wanted to get out quick. Stumbling around and rushing ended in him falling into the grave on top of the coffin. Yes you read right, He feel into the grave and on top of the coffin. The funny thing is was the woman had a soft spot for him so there was a running joke that she was pulling him in with her. It lifted the mood and gave everyone a laugh so he sort of took one for the team! Now if my dad can pull himself out of that physical hole and realise he needs to have patience, well I can pull myself out of the downer holes and have patience too. As the saying goes "It's a marathon, not a sprint". I'm going to dedicate this song to myself and all my fellow curvy mama's having shakes instead of steaks! I'm with you sista's!

No dad's were harmed in the making of this blog. (minus a few bruises)

Fighting fat

When I started this blog, after two weeks I thought I would run out of things to talk about. I would go to my weigh in every Monday and that would be something to write about, but what else? Well the word count need not worry just yet, because food is everywhere, and the more I see it, the more I dodge it. Thus, me blabbing on to my modern day diary about how life is so hard for a (bit too) curvy girl wanting to be Beyonce.

I started my volunteering at Shawshank Redemption this week. Future Cinema turned the old school into a prison, and i'm a production assistant.... and turns out  actress. All staff have to dress as prisoners to go along with it. I wouldn't look out for an oscar nomination just yet, every other member of staff are putting on the Southern American accent and there's me with my Norn Iron accent trying to be scary. It's been really fun and they are so nice to work for. It's really exciting seeing all the professional actors pretend to be guards and scaring everyone. The only downfall was something I mentioned before, the hot dogs/burgers. I knew I couldn't bring my shakes with me, so before I left at 3pm I would have my lunch one and bring loads of water. But at the end of the shift around 10pm they give out the hots dogs and burgers to all staff. This is also during the staff meeting, so I'm sitting in my prisoners outfit trying to listen to the manager and all I can think about is how the person next to me keeps letting fried onions fall out of her bread and onto the table. Could she be anymore insensitive? No, it was fine, I told them about it during the day. Y'know how when you work with the same group of strangers for a day and by the end of it you could tell what her granny had for breakfast. We were part time bessie's and it made it easier to laugh about it and they were all apologetic while they scoffed their beautiful food into their mouths. I realised the 2nd night as it was a freebie I shouldn't pass it up. So I went and got the hotdog and brought it home with me for my very happy housemate Jess. Passing it over is what I could only imagine a Dad feels when he passes his good-as-gold only daughter over to her future husband. You know it's in good hands, but you just find it hard to let go. By the time I got home I was ravenous. The hotdog was speaking to me i'm sure. I got home and had my milkshake and got into my cosy Pj's and thought of all the nice clothes I can wear soon to get me over it.

This week has been full of teases. Since I'm not spending money on food I thought the cinema could be my treat. It's only £5 where I live so it's a nice little treat that is covered by what I'd usually spend on chips allowance. My poor chip shop has probably hit the recession with me out of action. But anyway... Me and my friend from home Emmett had planned to go Les Mis over Christmas for when it came out here. This should have been 11th January, but with us keeping time clashing we had to put this off. I.am.SO.glad. Oh my god! What an emotional rollercoaster! 11th January was my first week on shakes and no way could I have handled it. I felt like Fontaine as it was and that was 3rd week. I cried the whole way through it and that was me stable. When I got to the cinema the popcorn smell was trying to seduce me but I was having none of it. The 2nd time this week I went with some other friends and we all went to see Django Unchained. They all stopped to buy treats for the film and I had to take on my "what would Beyonce do?" memo and think "oh she probably has an early start dance rehearsal and doesn't eat after 6pm so I don't need treats" and got over it. It was a little hard during the film smelling on the nice giant strawberries, fizzy sweets, crisps etc. But I concentrated on Jamie Foxx being a fox and got on with it. I didn't realise how strong my sense of smell was until I realised I can still smell those sweets now. But to be honest, I'm a sweets kinda gal. The easter bunny knows only too well to leave me a pic n mix instead of a chocolate egg and he's been on my good side ever since. But look where that has got me, well maybe not the one off easter, maybe the all year round dabbling at the pic n mix.... moving on.

I have got to a weird point. I look at food online all the time. I spend so long looking at food blogs, recipes sites and images of meals. It's like a little hit I get from it. Where I once used to have a Take That calendar every year I'm thinking of getting a food one I'm that pleased at looking at it. I don't know how to explain it. The whole "you want what you can't have" must be in the holy bible because never a truer word spoken. I am on BBC Good Food looking at how they cook things, the finished look, dreaming that I'm making it. I had a nightmare that I was eating fizzy sweets once and another time that I was drinking coke. I woke up so annoyed with myself then reminded myself I've been good as gold and told myself I'm a superstar! I hope when I go back to normal life I lose this obsessiveness, it can't be healthy!

Getting a little fed up this week to be honest. I have been positive the whole time, keeping my spirits up and seeing it as a really good thing. I hate to be in a bad mood around people and keep reminding myself that I've put myself through this, so there is no excuse to be grouchy and negative. But I've decided that today for a one-off I'm just going to be in a bad mood. It's only human. My mum is really good at reminding me that I'm going through a massive experience and to just keep going but feel how ya wanna feel. It's only more exhausting to try be in good spirits when you don't feel up to it. It's so cold, I want a bowl of hot food, and I've had the same three flavours all week. I'm not feeling great, but tomorrow I'll get over myself and hop back on the sassy attitude. My family and friends sending little uplifting messages is so so great. Completely lifts my mood. I hope i'm as supportive to my friends who are on it now. My cousin is on it and lost 7 pound on her first week, i'm so happy for her. It's so nice we have each other to txt to get us through it. Butch Cassidy really did need the Sundance Kid.

When I've felt down before, I go onto clothes websites and look at the dresses I couldn't wear before that I will be able to soon. Before my clothes shopping was so limited, half the time I was wearing things that I didn't want to but because it fits. Topshop/Zara and the likes don't cater for bigger girls, so I didn't go there. Now I could even get my graduation dress there. That's the motivation keeping me going. One positive I've felt already apart from the energy, is my hair and nails. People said they improve when your on it, because of all the vitamins. Now coicidently I have bought better shampoo recently, but I don't think it' just that. It feel so much more healthier, to the point that Jess responded "Yeah I thought it looked healthier, like a wig, in a good way!" She meant well by it, I'm a firm believer in taking a compliment when you get it, so thanks Jess. I'm looking forward to Monday to my next weigh in, hopefully it'll give me a positive boost. If you don't hear from me soon, you'll see me on the next L'oreal advert with my new healthy hair, because I'm worth it!

Stone down

I went for my 2nd weigh in today and found out i've lost another 4 1/2 pounds. So i'm a 1/2 pound away from losing a stone. To be honest the pharmacy I have to walk to for me to get the shakes is about a 20 min walk so I might have it off already! Anyway, a stone in 2 weeks! I can't believe it and i'm so proud of it. A few of my friends have started the diet since, we've been txting/messaging a lot to encourage each other and it really helps! Feel like this song is playing in the back every time we communicate.

It really helps to have a goal in mind, it's nice that when we finish these shakes it'll be spring and we can wear nice clothes, looking like we're in one of those glossy next advertisements, shaking our curvy hips like we know we're worth it. whoop whoop! Speaking of sister's doing it for themselves. . . . . Last week I applied online to get tickets to be audience members in chat shows. I applied for every and any. Trying to fill all my sober energetic time. And what tickets did I get? Loose Women! No word of a lie. I dragged my flatmate Jess along today and we saw those girls gossip like their pay check depended on it! It took all my energy not to shout "I'll have a vowel please" at Carol Voderman. Who might I add is a foxy mama. Actually the 4 of them all had sassy figures at over 50, if I had their figure at 24 I'd be happy! They were discussing about exercise and going to the gym, does it make you happy or is it a chore. Some of them said they couldn't be bothered, life was too short. Now Lisa, if I was a natural size  6 and could eat anything, i'd think life was too short. She was saying how she just watched what she ate. But what the viewers at home don't know is she had a packet of ready salty walkers under her desk. Showbiz eh!

It's being so so so cold this weekend. We had proper snow and my room has just been so nippy. During this weather I just craved what we call at home "a mammy dinner". A pot of soup/stew/casserole. Something that when you eat it, you feel like it's warmed your bones. A milkshake does not give you any satisfaction, but losing 4 and a half pounds does, so i'm trying to stay positive. It's just hard when you can smell them and can't eat them. I'm thinking this must be what married people must feel like. When a beautiful man/woman walks in the room. They can still look at him/her, but they don't necessarily have to act upon it. . . .

I'm two weeks down and it's starting to go faster. As I said writing the blog has given me so much more motivation. And now from 4 other friends doing it from this, it's made me so much more positive about it, friends and family are so supportive it really keeps me in a good mood. So supportive, that when my mum overheard my dad at their local telling his friend about his daughters "Dog". Yes my dad has been telling people of me writing a "dog" on my diet journey. She quickly had to remind him that it was called a "blog". It wasn't a slip of the tongue or a mistake, he genuinely thought it was called a "dog". But this is one of those men who has a smart phone but can only ring/txt with it. Only last winter I found him watching a DVD that came with his sketchers, teaching him how to walk on snow with them. You couldn't make it up. Bless him, his heart is in the right place and i'm so proud he's supportive of my diet and me writing my dog.

Something I miss about these shakes is the eating out socialising. I've been on nights out, met people at the pub and had a water on the rocks. But theres a few times I've had to meet people later as they're eating out first. It's not that I'm missing out on the catch up, as I see them after. But in Derry and a lot here, every catch up revolves around food. If it's not lunch or dinner, it's nibbles. And there is no point me coming to a dinner when I had the ordeal with Lasagne last week. Its not a big deal, but its just something I've had to give up that I miss. But when you're losing a stone in two weeks and feeling this so much better about yourself, it's worth it!

Help, food is stalking me

Is it just me, or is food EVERYWHERE?! It is seriously stalking me, every corner I turn it's there. Posters, people eating, the smell.... aghhh. It wants me back and is throwing every tactic at me. This week has had its ups and downs, trials and tribulations...slightly dramatic, but it helps. Firstly, on Tuesday I had an interview for my grown up job. I got the bus there but wanted to be early, the problem is the bus took 45 mins, which led me to drinking a litre of water on the journey. As you would imagine I was desperate for the ladies when I got off. I still had half an hour before I had to be at my interview and I didn't want my first impression to be me breathless, hopping between both feet shouting about a toilet. I was pounding the pavements looking for a bathroom, and what was the only one available? . . . . . . . .  McDonalds!! I had a deep breath and went for it. I got in there and the only toilet I could find was locked. So I thought they were really strict and made you buy something to get the key. I went to the desk, barely looked up, ordered a black coffee and couldn't say clear enough "absolutely NO milk, NO sugar" He gave me the cup of tar (well thats what it tasted like) and I asked for the key. He then told me the toilets were downstairs. All that for nothing! I could've just went in, did the whole "Oooh I'm looking for a friend, oh she's not here, she must be downstairs" go downstairs, use their bathroom, and get out of there. I looked around and saw in slow motion all these people, laid back, their mouths dripping with salt, tucking into burgers. The whole experience was quite literally 'The Hunger Games'. I don't know if they are filming the second film yet, but they may stop production, ask for the CCTV from Great Portland St Mc Donald's and save themselves a lot of dollar. I got out of there and was walking down the street holding the cup. I got so anxious that what if I got papped holding a McDonals cup? (Papped for non-celebs is when you bump into a friend in the wrong place/wrong time) They would think I was a liar and a cheat. It tasted horrible but I felt so guilty buying something then literally throwing it out. It made me think of the people out there who really needed coffee and there was me wasting it. But at this rate it was either waste £1.49 or have an anxiety attack. I threw it in the bin and did a swift walk away from the place.

After the interview I had more time to have a nosey at the area. There was cafe's everywhere. Little dinky, cute, tempting cafes that have nice cakes and croissants on the window that look like pieces of art, hand sculpted with love. Y'know, the posh ones, that's not me being poetic about food, it just genuinely is fancy. Standing outside looking in I felt like a lot less glamorous version of Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Ttiffany's, when she is looking into the window and dreaming of buying something. Sighhhhh. I got myself home and had my milkshake before anymore luring of food.

I got some volunteer work with Future Cinema for the next few weekends, I did my training today and its amazing. They've turned an abandoned old school into a prison to act out 'Shawshank redemption' and i'll be one of the prison extra's. I chose to do weekends considering that now I won't be laying wasting the days away hungover, I could do something good with them. My training was all going well today, apart from one downer when she said one of the perks was you get a free burger or hot dog at meal times. My shoulders dropped, the old Rachel would've had a cheeky little grin thinking about the burgers, but the new me had to think "Can I bring a blender to the prison?". Anyway I'll reach that dilemma when I start. For the first day of training me and the other girls had a 1 hour lunch break. So they decided we should all go to a cafe around the corner. They call it a cafe but really it was HELL. I went to get cash out and met them there, by the time I got back they had ordered their coffee's (which came with a complimentary cookie, what a tease!) and I was hoping that was all they ordered. Well I was wrong, as I ordered my earl grey with no milk, they ordered, 2 chicken and avocado salads, 2 chicken and avocado baguettes, and a lasagne. How do I remember this? Because it's all I can think about since. This cafe just had to be the one cafe that are so friendly that they come over with an extra plate of free cookies, a bowl of free bread and oil and the biggest mountain of food I have ever seen in my life. The lasagne talked to me, I swore it. I love lasagne, I love making it, I love eating it, I love eating it the day after, you get the drift. This one came with salad, pepper and courgette on the top of it, and even potatoes. The salads had everything but the garden shed in it, every vegetable you could imagine. A full roast chicken was in there too! I felt so awkward when they all ordered and ate and I had to sit and look up incase I stared too much at the food. Eventually I threw in that I was on a bit of a detox and just trying to be good "You know what January is like!" I think they thought it was strange, I'm hoping they just thought I had an allergy. They kept talking about Ireland, maybe they think we eat spuds 11 months of the year and detox for one month. I was so sad sitting there with my earl grey and them chewing away. I could imagine it as if it was in a film/TV show, and the camera goes between all the food, then a blurry image of all the girls laughing and eating, and then a close up of me with a fake laugh but behind my eyes you could see sadness, because I was thinking about burgers and chicken, and it would be bloody Coldplay-Fix You playing in the background. Yes the milkshakes will fix me, Chris Martin you're right. Is it April yet?

I was massively cheered up this evening. My friend got me a ticket to see a new comedian called Luisa Omielan and just what was her show called..... "What would Beyonce do?" Yes you heard it. Girl after my own heart. Her whole show was revolved around when she gets to a new stage of her life or when something bad has happened, she thinks to herself "What would Beyonce do" she would then break into song, and  would do the routine. I knew I had a sister somewhere! She was amazing. It felt like a sisterhood of people who read religiously from the bible of Beyonce. She was a curvy mama and she shook it. It was such a good night, everyone could empathise with everything she said. I never laughed so much, one of those people that you just want to be!

Another good point this week was that I found out two people have started the diet from reading my blog. It made me feel really proud and it's all down to Dearbhail. She had the guts to do it without anyone to guide her the way she has guided me. Her before and after pics have now given 3 people the confidence to do it. I feel like we're in a curvy sisterhood together. We'll be swigging milkshakes together and getting slimmer by the week. It really helps to have someone to support you through it. I feel like Dearbhail should record that song "I'd like to teach the world to sing" but a remix of teaching the world to diet. The show tonight got me back on track from my downer, who needs lasagne anyway. I'm gonna go canvassing to my fellow dieters and spread the word that when your having a low point, just think to yourself . . . . . .

 We can do it diva's! xx

1st weigh in

I started the lipotrim diet last Tuesday, but the pharmacist asked me to come in on the Monday for the first weigh-in, so that we can make it a start of the week thing every week. She is right, Monday is a kick up the arse day if anything! I woke up feeling half excited/half nervous. I knew I was bound to have lost something having done an extreme diet all week. But I was letting a little self-doubt creep in, imaging things like "What if the pharmacist gave me milkshakes to bulk you up by accident?" etc. I know this was crazy, but when you put so much into something you tend to over think it and sort of worry. It was so hard to get out of bed this morning, it has started lightly snowing here so it was bitter cold, and with all my worrying I was really putting off going. I finally shook myself and strolled over to the pharmacy, trying not to think about it too much and just go in get weighed and see where I was at.
She weighed me and then without telling me straight away went up the back to calculate it. WELL, I now know how the X Factor contestant feels when the lovely Dermot O leary takes his sweet time (for dramatic effect, he's not cruel!) in telling them the result. She finally came and told me measurements, I, being Bridget Jones had to ask her to simplify it into pounds. She gave me the glorious result of 9 motherfunkin' POUNDS. I couldn't believe it! I was so happy. For those who don't know what 9 pounds would seem like, its this!

When I told my mum about this, she put it into context of that being the same weight my brother was when he was born. I've lost the weight of a baby in 6 days. How crazy! This could be the last note on my mums advice as she is taking a silent protest with me incase I put anything more she says in my blog. Just you wait until there is an offer on chicken breasts, she'll be back!

The pharmacist was pleased with me, but she is one of those firm-but-fair ladies. On my first visit she said not to eat anything, then pointed me right in the face and said very matter of faculty "Or i'll know" wellllll. She was able to go through how my first week had been, she told me I wasn't drinking enough water, I thought I was drinking lakes of the stuff, turns out you really do need to be drinking rivers of it! I'm so glad i've got her, I feel like she is my Jay Z to Kanye, she's got my back and keeps me on track. (I did not mean for that to rhyme just after I mentioned rap artists, I can confirm I am not writing a rap)

On getting this weeks milkshakes I decided to mix it up a bit. I didn't really like the chocolate one so decided to swap them for the flapjacks they do, to give me a bit of texture I was missing. Well wasn't this an error! The milkshakes are fine, they are not as tasty as a Yazoo but they're fine. I was thinking the flapjack would be the same, no no no! It was horrible. I can't even describe the texture. It was like a cake dried up mixed with sand with a horrible after taste. I'm going to go back and swap these, i'd rather do without texture and at least try and enjoy the milkshake. I realised I still haven't shown you the shakes. here's some pics of what they look like and me making them. Sometimes when the hob is off, I put the bowl on there to make it feel like i'm cooking, how dramatic! I really miss cooking though. When I'm a bit more on my feet with them I might try doing some at home for the girls, for the activity.

I have chicken in a bowl to feel like it's dinner time!

 Strawberry and black coffee

Vanilla, which is my fave.

I don't expect to lose this every week. The first week of any diet you lose the most, but if i lose a little each week i'll be doing fine. Patience is a virtue as they say! Some of my friends have said they notice a change in my face already, this could be the bitter cold giving me a little pinch in my cheeks, but i'll take a compliment when i'm getting it! Thank-you ladies!

The sober socialite

I'm back! I got past the downer first few days and finally feel back to myself. I knew I wasn't myself during the week because I heard the news of Destiney's Child reforming on Tuesday, and I just didn't have energy to get excited. But I finally feel back to myself, cheering them on, and every other diva out there. However, one thing I was really dreading in doing this diet was having to go out and socialise with people drinking and eating, with me on the water. For the first weekend I had initalliy planned to spend it hibernating until I got more used to the shakes. I just had this horrible image of me walking past the big bright lights of the chip shops that selfishly open later at the weekends and me glaring at them with fondness/resentment. Why I chose to live in a flat above three take-aways I'll never know! But the first Friday coincided with my friends birthday, and I didn't want to miss his birthday celebration just because I wanted a body like Beyonce. So off I went with my Evian bottle of water, sitting on the train there I was expecting again to be the moody person there, feeling really down and teased by all the sweet sweet smells of vino and beers and crisps and oooohh the beautiful tastes of my former fridays. I got there........and loved it! I, Rachel Catherine Ann Mc Closkey, can have fun sober! I had a brilliant night, firstly, everyone was so supportive about the diet. As I said in my first post, I had pre-warned people about it, so they wouldn't tempt me with drinks. And they we're brilliant. Everyone gave me such warm encouragement about the diet and It made me feel really good about myself! Also, someone played this little beauty, now HOW could I be moody when my beloved Bee Gee's were playing. I was  chair dancing to the sweet sounds and loving it! (Chair dancing=sitting down cosy in a chair but still dancing)

I stayed until 1am (rock n roll y'all) and only left because we had to get a long bus home. But I was still full of energy on the bus. Y'know when you used to think it was only hippies who said they were "High on Life".......well slap my bum and call me a hippie! I had a great night, and was at the very least,  hyper (calm yourself, woman!). The only thing was, because it was so cold getting home, when I eventually did, I really wanted a warm piece of toast, but alas, off to bed I went with my h20. My mum saw the positive side in this as "Well Rachel, at least it was something healthier like a piece of toast you craved and not a kebab!" Personally, I'm not a kebab kinda gal, more of a chicken strip and chips, but you get her point, it's a good sign! And we all know, you take the "C" of "chips" what do you get.......... mmmm hmmm. Big ones!

Speaking of chips.... that very friday, I reached a funny moment I wasn't expecting to reach for another few weeks. Dearbhail told me about how she got to the point where she could enjoy the smell of nice food alone. On Friday, my housemate and friend got some chips from the take-out (who can be bothered to cook on a friday, eh?) and hid in their room to eat them, in support of my diet. But I went down, had a big whiff of them, enjoyed the seductive salty smell for a min, then that was enough. I walked on feeling sassier than a Strictly Come Dancing contestant and felt so proud of myself. I've since been doing this, it's so strange to enjoy just the smell, I find more funny than anything!

A major positive from this diet was waking up on Saturday hangover free! And as soon as I had my first shake I had so much energy it was strange! So I watched some of my pop videos (pop princess-loud and proud!) then I got so much cleaning and organising done! I'm turning into my mother I know - When I start talking about the improvement of meat when cooked in a slow-cooker just call me Colette and lets be done with it. I always justified a hangover if it was a really good night. I had a really good night, and felt great the next day! I'm not sure if this will be every time, Friday was a small gathering with close friends, maybe when I have to go to a club for a friends birthday and there's Redstripe falling down my back, and hearing slurred conversations like  "No, but you are my BEST friend, I mean it, no but you ARE" (I'm guilty of it) I might not be so "high on life" But swings and roundabouts people!

Saturday night was my first outing to a pub, I had arranged a few weeks ago to meet up with some of the girls from Uni, I was feeling confident that Friday went so well so left the nerves behind. I listened to Spice Girls on my iPod on the way there to pump myself up. I had a really nice time, it was nice to catch up and I brought some water just to have something to sip on, it's only social! After everyone bought some nibbles from the shop, if truth be told I would've loved a packet of Beef Hula Hoops but, it's not worth it girlfriend!

Now I'm just looking forward to my first weigh in with the pharmacist! I'm quite nervous but optimistic that hard work pays off. I'm really pleased how the first week has gone and hoping I can keep going with the same positive attitude. Friends and family supporting me has really really held me together with it, but then again, what is Beyonce without her backing dancers?

Three times a (lack of) charm

I've reached day four and survived! I was warned that the first three days are the hardest, and a lot of people give up on day three. I'm here, swigging milkshake like it's no-one business and I'm gonna keep going. But, as I was warned, It was no stroll in the park. I had no energy and felt really low. The first day was sort of a novelty, and writing the blog and getting the feedback left me a bit giddy and kept me going, so thanks for your lovely words of encouragement! It's really helping. Even small things like my dad ringing and saying "Think of the clothes you can wear in Spring" gives me a real boost! It was strange waking up in the morning feeling so sluggish with no energy, knowing that your getting up to go down and make another milkshake instead of a dreamy, delicious, dripping-with-butter bagel. (Move on Rach, move on) I've been going to bed at 11pm exhausted, which for a night owl like my bad-self is strange.
Getting to day four I've realised that the reason I'm able to carry on, was having prepared for it for so long. I definitely know that this is something I couldn't have walked into. Each downer I reach, I was expecting so I can deal with it and move on, Dearbhail (my guru/friend/former lipotrim dieter) is brilliant as she knew what I was going to feel each stage so would txt me with motivation "You're going to be feeling really low right now, just keep going, only few more days and this will pass"

The 2nd day I decided to treat myself to a sassy new hand blender, using the whisk just left it a bit lumpy, and since I'm spending no money on food/alcohol, I thought I'd invest. I had to go to Peckham to get this, the trouble is my ex Mc Donalds and his friends KFC and Chinese all live there. I thought this would be really hard walking past them. But when I reached them, it was less "take me back" and more of a "I don't need you". In my head, this is how it was played out. Mc Donalds being Mr Big, and I being ever the lady Charlotte.

 Again, I feel this is because I've been really mentally prepared for this change. I really want this and know this is how to achieve it! I don't need it and I'm fine with that. I strolled on through to Argos to get my blender feeling smug....they were out of stock, so I went to Morrisons, £8-Bargain!

The main thing that I hated about the first few days, was my mood. As I said, I wasn't half as down as I should've been, due to support. But I'm someone who could chat the head off a 10p, I love chatting, I just do. But when I have a toothache or something thats bringing me down, I tend to just sit in my room to isolate myself. I hate to think that i'm bringing a mood down. With these milkshakes, it would get to 9pm and after a full day of being fine, I'd just get tired, cranky and a little tooshy! I felt like I was bringing a bad vibe so I just wanted to be on my own. Hopefully I'm past that, and if i'm not, i'll just have to get over it! As it's no way to carry on. The first few days I was having bad headaches and that but plenty and plenty of water gets you through.

Another thing I've noticed is people feel really bad eating/drinking/talking about food around me. This is really kind, but it's not fair on them. My mum was on the phone to me and started mentioning a fillet steak she got on offer (that woman loves a bargain!) then felt really guilty for mentioning it, she shouldn't! There is gonna be countless bargains over the next 12 weeks, and she will want to tell me, it's fine. The same is with my housemate cooking, I make my milkshake the same time she makes her dinner, for the activity, and she felt guilty, but I have to make milkshake my routine now. Although the third day for health and safety I didn't sit with her during dinner, just incase. But this diet has to become the norm, Laura will be having her textured plate of gorgeousness, and i'll be having my milkshake, but this is just for a few weeks. This isn't something I've been struck down with, it's something I chose to do, no one forced me, i know it's going to be soooo worth it. So I'm manning up, pass the water on the rocks, make it a large one!

It's a good thing the edit I'm working on at the moment I have to do from home, I used to hate this as I wanted to get out, but at the minute it's a blessing in disguise. If I had to go into an office, feeling so low, smelling beautiful lunches, I would've went Britney Spears (shave head, umbrella etc) on them. One thing I miss is to break the day up I'd usually go to Sainsbury's and have a nosey around, but I can't do that now. But I had an idea of going there as normal and buying nice coffee on day two, it got me out of the flat and gave me something to do. I saw all my old friends, crisps, choc, meat etc. They were all calling my name but I told them politely that I'd outgrown them. The first three days are behind me, it's not to say it's all gonna be plain sailing, but the juice is worth the squeeze!


Things to avoid on the first three days:
Adele
Ellie Goulding
Anything with emotion. You will cry!

Things that helped:
I.T crowd, lots of it!

Shake Shake Shake Senora

My name is Rachel Mc Closkey and I'm overweight. There I said it, it's out there.... I know it, you know it, now google+ know's it. The fact is, i've always known it, but skimmed around the subject, the problem is, i've never semi-skimmed.  I am a naturally curvaceous girl, I got it from my momma (and my dad, to be fair) and I'm proud of it. I'll never be skinny, and nor do I aim to be. I feel every woman should embrace what their born with, and that's what I'm doing, I just don't want to embrace the after-effects of unhealthy eating I'm now seeing in the mirror everyday. For far too long I've avoided the subject, as if one day I will wake up and have a stomach like Beyonce, I'd like to think I have her moves, so i'm half way there. I have tried different diets since I was a teenager, I was a member of Weight Watchers twice, a diet that has worked for my mum, but for me, the counting of points got too much and being able to eat something unhealthy but balancing out points for, just encouraged bad behaviour. I was still seeing Mc Donalds, seeing him at weekends, when I was hungover and needed comfort, holidays etc but I knew.. my friends knew.. and my parents knew, that he wasn't good for me. And I needed him out of my life completely. We had to break up and he had to take his friends KFC, Dominoes and Chinese with him, as they only reminded me of him, and it was just too hard.

As I said, Weight Watchers has worked for my mum, she got her gold star by behaving herself, and the proof is in the low-fat calorie controlled pudding, she looks and feels amazing. It got to October 2012, just coming up to my 23rd birthday, and I felt terrible, as happy as I was for her, and very proud, I felt shame that my mum looked so much better, she was able to give me a dress because it was too big for her. I needed change, and I was the only one who could bring it. Which introduces my "Guru" aka my good friend Dearbhail. Me and Dearbhail have been best friends since secondary school, we've had many take-outs together, a river of fatty wine, cans and cans of coke, we comfort ate and comforted each other. Dearbhail is the life and soul of the party, she lights up a room with an infectious personality. She is the bubbly one, the one to get your Dad up dancing at the party. Neither of us are shy, we love meeting new people, we make a joke at our expense and laugh it off so others will laugh with us. I guess to make up for our insecurity with our weight, we took on the role of "the joker" to con people into thinking we're confident and excuse you if i may, sassy bitches!

Dearbhail took the brave steps first. She started the Lipotrim diet. A calorie controlled, food replacement diet. For 12 weeks she had three milkshakes a day, black tea, black coffee and water only. Now I know what you're thinking, it's one of those crazy diet plans off the internet that mess you up. In fact it's through a pharmacy where the pharmacist keeps a close eye on you, weighing you every week to test your BMI, and only giving you a certain amount a week so you can't go loco. It's no walk in the park, not one meal for 12 weeks, no nibbles, chewing gums, no texture! But look at the results! This is Dearsy before and after, I am so so so proud of her. 

This diet is not for J'Los wanting to be Alexa Chung, it's for overweight people, or with slight obesity and has to be taken very carefully. After the 12 weeks you introduce normal food but with the pharmacist plan. i.e protein and salad. Dearsy's at the stage now where she's eating normally, healthy, but exercising to maintaining. Lipotrim is a kickstart to a healthier lifestyle. She has lost 6stone so far! 

Without a doubt I wouldn't have considered it without her, she is the incentive, the before and after proof that it's worth it. I decided in October that I would start it the 2nd week of January. Not only as I knew it would be too hard to do in winter, but it's something you mentally have to prepare for. It's a huge experience, and something you don't just walk into. So January's here and off I went to the closest pharmacy that does Lipotrim, as not all do, and got my measurements, BMI tested, health check-up and then got my weeks groceries, groceries meaning 21 shakes to do me all week. Not 5 bags of glorious sainsburys goods! (I miss it already) The flavours are strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, and chicken. The strawberry and vanilla you can make into moose, which will help with texture! And the choc and chicken you can have hot, so will be like having a hot chocolate (not exactly cafe nero standard) and a cuppa soup (hold the bread, hold the salt).

Today is one step closer to being healthy, i'm trying to stay positive, I've told everyone i'm doing it, so I HAVE to do or i'll feel embarrassed that I told so many people they are gonna see Beyonce's twin in 12 weeks and they still see Rachel! Not only that, but you know and I know that when you get to the pub and say you're not drinking, your friends take on the Mrs Doyle (Father Ted) role "Go on, go on, go on, just one, ye will!" whereas they have the heads up and can be really supportive! Which they have been. My housemate even made a star chart! I'll get those stars, no not delicious milky stars..... but fabulous healthy, correct BMI stars!! Just you wait!!